The break-up: Why we turned on office friendships, and why it’s bad for business
Remember when you had that one friend at work who was your main confidante and lunch buddy, the one you felt you could always lean on? Maybe even the one you hung out with over the weekend?
Lately the concept of the “work bestie” seems to have gone the way of job stability and the Christmas bonus.
Fresh data from workplace review site Glassdoor reveals a discernible shift in how we are navigating work relationships these days. And spoiler alert: Instead of bonding like we once did, we now largely prefer to keep our colleagues at a comfortable distance.
For years, HR departments have championed work friendships as the secret sauce to employee retention and productivity and all-around workplace happiness. But the numbers say employees aren’t buying it.
According to the survey, fewer than 25% of some 800 respondents said they’d stayed at a job because of a work friend, while more than half actively avoid forming connections at work, preferring to keep a wall between their professional and personal lives.
“If I build trust and make a friend, great, but that’s not my primary objective,” confessed one Glassdoor user, echoing the sentiment of many others who clock in, do a day’s work, then head home — no friendship bracelets exchanged in the process.
They may want to consider a counterpoint from Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and Glassdoor’s chief work life expert: “Having friends at work predicts higher happiness and well-being. On average, people perform better when they’re working with friends.”
Pointing to an abundance of research about the upside of office friendships, workplace expert Christine Armstrong, who runs the U.K. consultancy Armstrong & Partners, noted that they have “huge benefits in terms of happiness, but also because people support their friends and help each other out when there are problems.”
That said, she also hears from the other side, including many Gen Z workers, who prefer to keep boundaries intact. “When companies are laying off, losing your office friends hits hard — definite blow to commitment then,” she said.
And that is largely what’s driving this relationship reset. Without question, corporate restructuring and layoffs have turned work friends forever into work friends until next quarter’s numbers are out. The pandemic and the subsequent rise of remote work also plainly led to more limited opportunities for organic connections, with watercooler chat getting replaced by Zoom fatigue. At the same time, job hopping has become the new normal — making for another impediment to lasting bonds.
“Since we don’t plan to stick around, we don’t invest in the same way,” Grant said. “We view coworkers as transitory ties, greeting them with arm’s-length civility while reserving real camaraderie for outside work.”
Further illustrating our evolving relationship with our coworkers is the demise of the once-ubiquitous, totally platonic “work spouse.” According to Glassdoor, just 2 in 10 respondents today identify as “work married,” while nearly half declare they would never have a work wife or husband, opting to swipe left on the whole concept.
For those organizations aiming to foster productive work relationships while respecting boundaries, Grant offers a roadmap:
Drop the expectation that work friends need to hang out after hours; shared projects can build sufficient connection.
Establish clear guidelines for feedback and conflict resolution; friendship should not mean sugarcoating.
Schedule intentional check-ins focused on mutual growth, not just casual chatter.
While they may not send each other “Happy Friendship Day” cards, to many workplace relationships remain an essential element of workplace well-being. And rather than disappearing altogether, experts say, such connections are merely shifting, becoming more intentional and perhaps more authentic even.
As the job search site Indeed put it: “Your work friends serve as part of your support system, and maintaining these relationships is usually mutually beneficial. Healthy and appropriate work friendships promote a positive and connected workplace culture and add to your overall professional network.”
Meanwhile, an informal WorkLife poll yielded the following comments:
“In a remote-first world, we have traded away some of the better things of the past for better things of the present. It’s not necessary to know the names of your colleagues’ pets, but you’re better off when you do.”
“I’m still in contact with those I worked with during Covid. That was a real bonding experience.”
“I love my work buddies. Lifetime commitment!”
So, could it be time to recommit to the idea of the work friend?
Grant’s view: “In a world of transient connections, it’s not about becoming best friends forever but, rather, creating collaborative partnerships that elevate both parties while they last.”