How leaders can be confident, not arrogant, at work
Striking a balance between appearing confident rather than arrogant at work can be tricky for lead executives, but it’s important to understand the distinction between the two and truly feel qualified and capable in one’s role to develop strong relationships and achieve professional success.
That’s especially true for leaders with greater visibility and influence with the larger organization.
“Confidence is great — it tends to inspire others and tackle challenges head-on. When it tips into arrogance, it can create a toxic work environment, undermining morale and collaboration,” said Kevelyn Guzman, regional vp at Coldwell Banker Warburg. “Balancing confidence and humility is an ongoing process, but it’s essential in a workplace where everyone feels respected and motivated,” she said.
Earlier in his career, Chris Yang, co-founder of Coins Value, a platform that provides information on antique and modern U.S. coins, confused arrogance with confidence, he said. “I had to have all the answers and make every decision unilaterally.”
“This unnerved team members and stifled innovation. It wasn’t until I took on a more collaborative leadership approach — admitting what I didn’t know and seeking out others’ thoughts — that our company began to thrive,” Yang said.
What drives confidence, vs. arrogance?
It’s challenging to accurately assess how others perceive you, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt and sometimes even imposter syndrome.
Some workplace experts say confidence and arrogance exist on the same spectrum. On one far end lies arrogance, and on the other lies self depreciation. Confidence falls in the middle. “When I think about confidence, I think about someone who has a very genuine sense of their self worth. They’re very self aware, and oftentimes they exhibit humility,” said Maria Doughty, CEO of the Chicago Network, a women’s leadership organization.
Confident people embody a number of key traits relating back to their self-awareness. While they recognize their worth and achievements, they also recognize their limitations and are open to learning, growing and continuously improving, Doughty said.
Moreover, another defining characteristic is how they perceive and treat others. No one is above them and they are collaborative and celebratory of others’ achievements. They also refrain from staking their own self-worth exclusively on outcomes. “They’re more worried about how they got there than what the end result is,” Doughty said.
Arrogant people on the other hand tend to lack self-awareness and have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are generally boastful and reluctant to ask for help or care to learn from others. “They’re the people that want to hear themselves talk, vs. what other people have to say,” Doughty said.
“Arrogance tends to come through putting other people down, being dismissive, being rude, showing off, whereas confidence is about taking responsibility,” said Audrey Tang, psychologist, leadership trainer and author.
Boosting confidence
Workplace experts have a range of tips for boosting confidence while avoiding arrogance.
Tang says one major tool is to practice self-compassion. “Confidence is actually about practicing self compassion as much as it is self building our self esteem. Self esteem is comparing ourselves and where we stand in line to others. And self compassion is about comparing ourselves almost to ourselves,” she said.
“Because if we’re always feeling confident at the expense of others, it’s not too soon before we’re falling over into arrogance,” Tang said.
Chicago Network’s Doughty suggests leaning on networks for support. The concept of a personal board of directors is an emerging trend, defined as a group of people one curates and relies on for professional advice and mentorship.
“Confident people build networks, and they find people they can trust, and who empower them,” she said.